Arnold Explains Affair

"I want to tell my family, friends, fans, and da people uff Kulleefonia... deez kinds of things happen, you know, when you have da virility and da testosterone and da buns uff steel dat are made for the thrusting and da things of dis naychuh," the beleagered former governor of California explained at a press conference in Los Angeles. "And you know I'm used to da women trowing demselfs at me, wit da moaning and da baring of da breasts. And then wit da drinking and da smoking uff da maryjane and da snorting uff da c'caine offa da boobies and da buttocks, and more moaning and da flowing uff da juices and da fingering uff da butthole and da things of dis naychuh," he continued, "even I could not resist da temtayzhun, so da rest of da mortal men out there wit da chicken legs and da flabby bellies and da love handles and da things of dis naychuh wouldn't stand a chance, dat I can tell you."