"I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a Christian. But you don't have to sit in church every Sunday to know there's something terribly wrong with America when openly gay people are allowed to risk their lives in our military for low pay and shitty health care, but our kids can't have Bible study and prayer meetings in public school during science class! When young women have dominion over their own bodies, but we can't choose to send her to the electric chair when she chooses to murder the baby she's carrying inside her! I say there's something very wrong with America when the lazy and unwashed among us would rather join together to demand a handout from the job-creators than go out and get a job! And I am sick and tired of Obama's jihad on Christianity! Speaking of Niggerhead, my family ranch in Texas where we go huntin' and lynchin'... er uh...fishin', I'd like to invite President Kunta Kinte down for some ol' fashioned Southern hospitality and show him how the ranch got its name. No, I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a Christian. And when I'm president, the homos and the coloreds and the hippies will be put back in their place, the Mexicans I'm sorta on the fence about (get it, fence?), and I'll restore the three pillars of Christian values that made America white... I mean straight!... I mean great! Those three pillars of Christian values are: 1) unwavering faith in Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour, 2) marriage is between one man and one woman, and 3) ... uhhh.... well, it's uh.... I was just thinkin' on this earlier.... anyway, I'll think of it later. It's a good one, though. I'm Rick Perry and I approve this message."
Funny, but sad, 'cause it's probably a little too accurate!
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