Fr. Christopher Jarvis, the 49-year old married father of four who was hand-picked by the Vatican to lead the investigation into multiple allegations of pedophilia in the Devon archdiocese, was himself arrested and indicted on multiple charges of pedophilia yesterday. "The father had over 4,000 illegal images of children in various states of nudity performing a wide variety of sexual or otherwise suggestive acts, discovered in a search of his home, his computer, laptop, and a memory stick found on his person," said an unnamed member of the local constabulary who spoke on condition of anonymity.
You might be asking why a priest trusted with the solemn responsibility of protecting children from sexual predators and taking the sworn statements of adults scarred from their own childhood traumas would have so much child porn in his possession. At his Crown Court hearing the judge asked that very question. "Evidence!" Jarvis replied.
"You mean to tell the court that the well over four-thousand images found in your possession were merely collected evidence?" the honorable judge Eldwin Cuthbert queried.
"Precisely, my lord," answered Jarvis. "I was conducting an investigation of the Church concerning allegations of pedophilia, after all," he clarified.
"But so many images? Surely you could have built a case long before amassing such a number," countered Judge Cuthbert.
"Perversion within the diocese was far more rampant than any of us might have suspected previously, my lord," said Jarvis.
"Quite. But why were these images... evidence, as you say... not organized into a single collection, such as a file or dossier? Why, Mr. Jarvis, were these images found in your home computer, your office computer, your laptop, a memory stick, your mobile phone, with printed images found in your wallet, your bedroom nightstand, and taped to your lavatory wall?"
"My lord, I wanted a constant reminder of the filth I was charged to expose. Everywhere I turned I saw their sweet, innocent, cherubic faces as they suffered all manner of defilements, and I just knew I had to get to the bottom of it!"
"Right. Trial is set for one fortnight hence. Bailiff, please escort the intrepid investigator back to his cell."
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