Keith Olbermann Fired By Local Starbucks, Hot Dog Vendor, Neighborhood Sports Bar, And Door Man At Condo For General Obnoxiousness

Through a prepared statement presented by a spokesperson representing the entire staff of the Starbucks at Hudson and 10th St., Paul Lazarra, the guy who owns the hot dog cart in Midtown at 2nd Ave and 42nd St., three of five bartenders at the Ainsworth Sports Bar at 26th St., and Carl the doorman at his condominium, a shocked public was informed that their relationship with Mr. Olbermann has been severed.

"Our businesses were founded on the values of mutual respect, openness, collegiality, and loyalty to our customers. Unfortunately these values are no longer reflected in our relationship with Keith Olbermann and we have ended it," the statement begins.

"To put it in plain English," Mr. Lazarra the hot dog vendor interjected, "the guy's a little weird, always quoting some dead guy named Thurber or Ballsack or something."

Cindy Veracik, a barista at the Starbuck's Olbermann used to frequent, added, "He seems nice enough, I guess. But he has this weird expression where you can't tell if he thinks he's sharing an inside joke with you or about to spit on you. Plus he always exhales forcefully out his nose, which doesn't help to clear things up."