New Arkansas Bill Protects The Sanctity Of Incest

Little Rock, AR-

Citing a desire to "defend Arkansas tradition from Northern aggression" and "protect the sacred consummation of familial love between one male and one female, at least one of whom must be at or beyond the legal age of consent," bill A23-04-2012 passed the Arkansas General Assembly in a sweeping 135-0 vote. "You folks out there on the coasts got no right comin' down here with your fancy city ways, tellin' us our grandfolks was chimpanzees and, oh by the way, don't fuck your sister no more," said Representative Tommy Lee Baker outside the capitol building after the historic vote. "What it comes down to is: we have our ways, and y'all got yours. You wanna believe in evolution, go right ahead. We ain't stoppin' ya. But we ain't gonna support that horse shit neither. That's why we teach good ol' fashioned Bible-science," the representative added. "We ain't tellin' you how to live, and we just don't want you tellin' us how neither. Our motto is pretty much do your own thing- live and let live. Unless you're a homo. Or non-White. Or a woman wantin' birth control or an abortion."