After flinging his feces at Trekkies the world over and pissing on Gene Roddenberry's grave (twice!), Hollywood's current golden child has inexplicably been hired to helm the next big-budget Star Wars project. Don your trenchcoat, Mr. Lucas!
Say what you will about him, his projects make money. A lot of money. And studio execs want to get on that gravy train. In addition to Star Trek, Paramount Studios also controls iconic film franchises like "The Godfather" saga.
Brad Grey, Paramount chairman and CEO, puts it like this:
"You know, Godfather 1 and 2 were pretty successful back in the 1970s, but can kids in 2013 relate to those characters? I don't think so. We need to put a fresh face on that franchise, and JJ is just the guy to do it," he asserts. "We need to get some hot, young actors on this. Maybe Kerry Washington is the young Don Corleone. Michelle Corleone. And instead of all that complex drama between the five families of the New York mafia, maybe we just have one really bad guy. Salazzo, who got shot in the Italian restaurant in the original film, is the super villain, and he's from-- get this-- THE FUTURE!"
Speaking of the future, Universal Studios president, Ronald Meyer, is eager to have his company's "Back To The Future" series Abramized. "JJ has already sent me an early treatment, and I have to say I'm really excited about it," Meyer said. "In JJ's brilliant re-imagining of the series, young Marty McFly-- probably played by Zac Ephron or Justin Bieber-- discovers a mysterious hatch on the outskirts of Hill Valley, California, his home town. He elicits the help of the reclusive Dr. Brown, a brilliant engineer from the Karma Institute," he continued. "I don't want to give it all away... let's just say there are some Other folks out there in Hill Valley whose intentions are unclear, and a lot of other intriguing and intertwining characters and sub-plots which, in the end, are just MacGuffins or diversions that ultimately go nowhere and are never explained, nor is there any attempt to explain them. Brilliant!" he concluded.
Abrams himself is rather cavalier about all of his recent reboots and offers. "My secret is that I've never watched any of these films or television series. I didn't grow up with them. I have only a passing familiarity with them, and certainly no affection or respect for any of them or the people who created them. Yes, I'd have to say that is probably the biggest secret of my success," Abrams confides. "That, and lens flares. TONS of lens flares."
Well done!
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