"Time was when a satin-frocked elderly man of God could go about buggering prepubescent altar boys without everyone making such a fuss about it!" lamented the soon-to-be stepping down Pope Benedict XVI.
"And you know, due to public pressure, we recently had to pardon Galileo Galilee for his cockamamie and blasphemous scientific notions. I even had to apologize for the Church's 'misunderstanding'!" the pontiff continued.
"All these newfangled ideas like 'heliocentric cosmology', 'biological evolution,' and 'sexual predation of minors'.... it's all too much! I don't understand this world anymore, and it's time that this old man stepped aside to allow our mother Church to stay a mere dozen or so generations behind the times."
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